By JANE LOTTER

1) You remember once, in the University District, going with your boyfriend to something called a "coffee house" and ordering espresso. You recall that this was an exotic, bohemian thing to do.

2) You remember when there was only one Starbucks (at the Pike Place Market) in all of Seattle.

3) You won't be going to the Experience Music Project because you've already experienced the music.

4) You {are} looking forward to taking the kids to the Woodland Park Zoo - where you envision them feeding the animals, riding the miniature train, and gaily running up and down the steps of the Warren G. Harding Memorial.*

(* Feeding the animals is no longer allowed - it's bad for them. The miniature train and the Warren G. Harding Memorial were torn down years ago.)

5) You want to drive your kids past the charming old house you grew up in, but when you get there you discover it's been demolished and replaced with condos. You figure you'll show them your old school instead. Surprise! The exterior's still the same, but the inside is now a boutique shopping mall.

6) When you make a purchase at REI, your membership number is so low that the clerk calls over a couple of other employees and they all laugh at it.

7) You remember when you could get on the freeway and be downtown, or over to the Eastside, in a matter of minutes.*

(* Not only was there no traffic, but the speed limit was 70 mph.)

8) You remember when the Emerald City was called the Jet City. You remember when the Jet City was called the Queen City.

9) You still have your "Namu, The Killer Whale" button.

10) You remember when there was a simple gravel path around Green Lake. And roller skates were worn by children.

11) You know all the words to "Meet Me in Seattle at the Fair" - the official song of the Century 21 Exposition.

12) You'd be rich today if only you'd bought stock in (pick one):

Boeing in the 1960s

Nordstrom in the '70s

Microsoft in the '80s

13) You'd really be rich if only your (parents, grandparents, great-uncle) hadn't sold that (pick one):

Waterfront property in the San Juans

19th century brick building in Belltown

Five acres in the heart of Bellevue

14) You take the kids downtown to Ivar's Acres of Clams for dinner and tell them if they keep their eyes open they might actually see Ivar himself.*

(* Unfortunately, Ivar died in 1985.)

And finally, what's the surest way to tell you've become a living history exhibit (a.k.a. an anachronism) in Seattle?

15) You refuse to eat at the Space Needle anymore because - due to the recent increase in the rotation speed of the restaurant - it spins around too fast.