By GLENN REED

A collective silence seems to fill the playroom at the Northwest Hospital Childcare Center. This is not so unusual because there are a couple babies present, but mainly because there are about 10 men seated around the room.

They're not talking baseball statistics or job problems. They're all staring at Gene Ringhouse, who looks calm and confident as he gently cradles one of the infants in his arms and speaks softly and directly to the little girl. She had been crying, but has quieted down now.

"This big thing about babies is practice," says Ringhouse to this gathering of men, who have come to learn more from fatherhood veterans about everything from changing diapers to dealing with sleep deprivation.

This is the Boot Camp for Dads, held the second Saturday of each month at Northwest Hospital for about three hours. It is one of about 80 such programs held nationwide - the only other Washington state site being in Longview - and it has run at Northwest Hospital for several months now. Boot Camp for Dads is a non-profit organization formed in 1988 to serve as an informational resource for new dads, particularly through their monthly sessions where veteran fathers of newborns show the ropes to rookies.

"We want to help create more of a partnership for the process," emphasizes Ringhouse, a Childhood Educator for the Boot Camp program and, himself, the father of four children. "The main difference with other programs is that there are live babies here as well as fathers who have been through the process to share their experiences with participants. We want to handle their concerns (new fathers), give them skills, and let them know their involvement is important and that they can do it."

The Boot Camp sessions include discussions of topics relative to before, during and after the birth of a child. Participants were asked, at the beginning of the Northwest Hospital session, what areas they wanted to cover and their concerns included how to handle sleep deprivation, anxiety and stress, post-partum depression in mothers, and just knowing what's normal and abnormal to expect with babies.

"My wife is worried about that deer in the headlights look," said one Boot Camp father-to-be. "It's her third child, but my first."

A huge focus of the Boot Camp is on redefining the role of fathers in the process and a big step among participants is just being there.

"We're questioning the old models and how useful they were," notes Boot Camp childbirth educator Craig Scott Weiss. "There's a new 'dad' way of being that's a lot more than just handing out cigars."

Weiss also stressed that the Boot Camp helps participants get an early start on developing positive relationships with their children.

"Many of us didn't have a chance with our own dads," he notes, "and you have a chance to do things differently with your child."

Eventually, three fathers with four infants joined the Boot Camp session, allowing for ample opportunity for "hands-on" experience. This included proper ways to hold and burp infants, as well as the chance to dive right in for some diaper changing and a discussion of the advantages of cloth vs. disposal diapers.

Sleep deprivation and stress/anger management generated much talk, with a major focus of veterans being that fathers need to take a more active role in the parenting process and remain advocates for their partners. Suggestions on ways to deal with stress included meditation, deep breathing exercises, listening to tapes, and keeping a book close at hand for times when the baby is resting. Weiss noted that, with a new baby, there's going to be an intense level of stress, but that everything should be done to keep from fathers taking out any of that stress, but that everything should be done to keep from fathers taking out any of that stress on their babies - "baby shake syndrome" - or their partners. He graphically demonstrated, by rattling an egg in a jar, the dangers of ever shaking a fragile newborn. It cracked with only a slight movement, and Weiss noted that the egg was similar to the condition of a newborn's brain inside of its skull.

"You never want to go there," he emphasized. "If the baby is crying and stress starts to get to you, put the baby down and walk away for a while."

Weiss also reminded participants of the level of stress for their partners.

"No matter where you're at, your partner will be in worse shape," he pointed out. "Anything you can do to help will give her the confidence that she can hand the baby to you when there's a problem." He and Ringhouse also suggested taking up other people's offers to help, especially if it provides an opportunity for a couple to get out alone together, doing what you can to help your partner get out of the house for a few hours, seeking professional help for post-partum depression, remembering to baby-proof the home, and to grab sleep whenever possible, particularly to take naps when the baby is napping. Other suggestions by veterans were more simple, but practical, such as digging out an old crock pot to use to warm baby bottles, rather than spending money on such an item.

Finally, Weiss said that fathers should remember to take care of themselves as well and remember to enjoy the process. Advice in this area included to set aside some time to pursue an activity of interest (while taking up others' offers to watch the baby for some time), and keeping a journal of the whole process.

"You're embarking on a journey that'll last the rest of your life," he emphasized at the start of the session. "Remember to enjoy the journey along the way," he noted at the session's conclusion.

Several participants echoed that feeling and were grateful for the opportunity to get together and discuss such issues.

"It brought the reality that much closer," said one.

"The second diapers weren't as bad!" concluded another.

For more information on the Boot Camp program, contact Craig Weiss at (206) 306-8797 or visit the national program's Web site at www.newdads.com.